and that society he had so
lately entered and meant to rule, of
leaving the
chariot of the
countess and becoming once more a muddied
pedestrian, was more than he could bear. Madness began to dance and
whirl and shake her bells at the gates of the
fantastic palace in
which the poet had been dreaming. In this
extremity, Nathan waited for
some lucky accident, determined not to kill himself until the final
moment.
During the last days employed by the legal formalities required before
proceeding to
arrest for debt, Raoul went about, in spite of himself,
with that
coldlysullen and morose expression of face which may be
noticed in persons who are either fated to
commitsuicide or are
meditating it. The funereal ideas they are turning over in their minds
appear upon their foreheads in gray and cloudy tints, their smile has
something fatalistic in it, their motions are
solemn. These unhappy
beings seem to want to suck the last juices of the life they mean to
leave; their eyes see things
invisible, their ears are listening to a
death-knell, they pay no attention to the minor things about them.
These alarming symptoms Marie perceived one evening at Lady Dudley's.
Raoul was sitting apart on a sofa in the boudoir, while the rest of
the company were conversing in the salon. The
countess went to the
door, but he did not raise his head; he heard neither Marie's
breathing nor the
rustle of her silk dress; he was gazing at a flower
in the
carpet, with fixed eyes,
stupid with grief; he felt he had
rather die than abdicate. All the world can't have the rock of Saint
Helena for a
pedestal. Moreover,
suicide was then the fashion in
Paris. Is it not, in fact, the last
resource of all atheistical
societies? Raoul, as he sat there, had
decided that the moment had
come to die. Despair is in pro
portion to our hopes; that of Raoul had
no other issue than the grave.
"What is the matter?" cried Marie, flying to him.
"Nothing," he answered.
There is one way of
saying that word "nothing" between lovers which
signifies its exact
contrary. Marie shrugged her shoulders.
"You are a child," she said. "Some
misfortune has happened to you."
"No, not to me," he replied. "But you will know all soon enough,
Marie," he added, affectionately.
"What were you thinking of when I came in?" she asked, in a tone of
authority.
"Do you want to know the truth?" She nodded. "I was thinking of you; I
was
saying to myself that most men in my place would have wanted to be
loved without reserve. I am loved, am I not?"
"Yes," she answered.
"And yet," he said,
taking her round the waist and kissing her
forehead at the risk of being seen, "I leave you pure and without
remorse. I could have dragged you into an abyss, but you remain in all
your glory on its brink without a stain. Yet one thought troubles
me--"
"What is it?" she asked.
"You will
despise me." She smiled superbly. "Yes, you will never
believe that I have sacredly loved you; I shall be disgraced, I know
that. Women never imagine that from the depths of our mire we raise
our eyes to heaven and truly adore a Marie. They
assail that sacred
love with
miserable doubts; they cannot believe that men of intellect
and poesy can so
detach their soul from
earthlyenjoyment as to lay it
pure upon some cherished altar. And yet, Marie, the
worship of the
ideal is more
fervent in men then in women; we find it in women, who
do not even look for it in us."
"Why are you making me that article?" she said, jestingly.
"I am leaving France; and you will hear to-morrow, how and why, from a
letter my valet will bring you. Adieu, Marie."
Raoul left the house after again straining the
countess to his heart
with
dreadfulpressure, leaving her stupefied and distressed.
"What is the matter, my dear?" said Madame d'Espard, coming to look
for her. "What has Monsieur Nathan been
saying to you? He has just
left us in a most melodramatic way. Perhaps you are too
reasonable or