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A Daughter of Eve-Part14_Honore de Balzac(1799-1850)_Translated Works(翻译文学)-第2页

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and that society he had so lately entered and meant to rule, of

leaving the chariot of the countess and becoming once more a muddied



pedestrian, was more than he could bear. Madness began to dance and

whirl and shake her bells at the gates of the fantastic palace in



which the poet had been dreaming. In this extremity, Nathan waited for

some lucky accident, determined not to kill himself until the final



moment.

During the last days employed by the legal formalities required before



proceeding to arrest for debt, Raoul went about, in spite of himself,

with that coldlysullen and morose expression of face which may be



noticed in persons who are either fated to commitsuicide or are

meditating it. The funereal ideas they are turning over in their minds



appear upon their foreheads in gray and cloudy tints, their smile has

something fatalistic in it, their motions are solemn. These unhappy



beings seem to want to suck the last juices of the life they mean to

leave; their eyes see things invisible, their ears are listening to a



death-knell, they pay no attention to the minor things about them.

These alarming symptoms Marie perceived one evening at Lady Dudley's.



Raoul was sitting apart on a sofa in the boudoir, while the rest of

the company were conversing in the salon. The countess went to the



door, but he did not raise his head; he heard neither Marie's

breathing nor the rustle of her silk dress; he was gazing at a flower



in the carpet, with fixed eyes, stupid with grief; he felt he had

rather die than abdicate. All the world can't have the rock of Saint



Helena for a pedestal. Moreover, suicide was then the fashion in

Paris. Is it not, in fact, the last resource of all atheistical



societies? Raoul, as he sat there, had decided that the moment had

come to die. Despair is in proportion to our hopes; that of Raoul had



no other issue than the grave.

"What is the matter?" cried Marie, flying to him.



"Nothing," he answered.

There is one way of saying that word "nothing" between lovers which



signifies its exact contrary. Marie shrugged her shoulders.

"You are a child," she said. "Some misfortune has happened to you."



"No, not to me," he replied. "But you will know all soon enough,

Marie," he added, affectionately.



"What were you thinking of when I came in?" she asked, in a tone of

authority.



"Do you want to know the truth?" She nodded. "I was thinking of you; I

was saying to myself that most men in my place would have wanted to be



loved without reserve. I am loved, am I not?"

"Yes," she answered.



"And yet," he said, taking her round the waist and kissing her

forehead at the risk of being seen, "I leave you pure and without



remorse. I could have dragged you into an abyss, but you remain in all

your glory on its brink without a stain. Yet one thought troubles



me--"

"What is it?" she asked.



"You will despise me." She smiled superbly. "Yes, you will never

believe that I have sacredly loved you; I shall be disgraced, I know



that. Women never imagine that from the depths of our mire we raise

our eyes to heaven and truly adore a Marie. They assail that sacred



love with miserable doubts; they cannot believe that men of intellect

and poesy can so detach their soul from earthlyenjoyment as to lay it



pure upon some cherished altar. And yet, Marie, the worship of the

ideal is more fervent in men then in women; we find it in women, who



do not even look for it in us."

"Why are you making me that article?" she said, jestingly.



"I am leaving France; and you will hear to-morrow, how and why, from a

letter my valet will bring you. Adieu, Marie."



Raoul left the house after again straining the countess to his heart

with dreadfulpressure, leaving her stupefied and distressed.



"What is the matter, my dear?" said Madame d'Espard, coming to look

for her. "What has Monsieur Nathan been saying to you? He has just



left us in a most melodramatic way. Perhaps you are too reasonable or




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