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"Extravagance was now as notoriously my vice as avarice had been

formerly; and I spent in a very short life what had cost me the



labor of a very long one to rake together. Perhaps you will

think my present condition was more to be envied than my former:



but upon my word it was very little so; for, by possessing

everything almost before I desired it, I could hardly ever say I



enjoyed my wish: I scarce ever knew the delight of satisfying a

craving appetite. Besides, as I never once thought, my mind was



useless to me, and I was an absolute stranger to all the

pleasures arising from it. Nor, indeed, did my education qualify



me for any delicacy in other enjoyments; so that in the midst of

plenty I loathed everything. Taste for elegance I had none; and



the greatest of corporeal blisses I felt no more from than the

lowest animal. In a word, as while a miser I had plenty without



daring to use it, so now I had it without appetite.

"But if I was not very happy in the height of my enjoyment, so I



afterwards became perfectlymiserable; being soon overtaken by

disease, and reduced to distress, till at length, with a broken



constitution and broken heart, I ended my wretched days in a

jail: nor can I think the sentence of Minos too mild, who



condemned me, after having taken a large dose of avarice, to

wander three years on the banks of Cocytus, with the knowledge of



having spent the fortune in the person of the grandson which I

had raised in that of the grandfather.



"The place of my birth, on my return to the world, was

Constantinople, where my father was a carpenter. The first thing



I remember was, the triumph of Belisarius, which was, indeed,

most noble show; but nothing pleased me so much as the figure of



Gelimer, king of the African Vandals, who, being led captive on

this occasion, reflecting with disdain on the mutation of his own



fortune, and on the ridiculous empty pomp of the conqueror, cried

out, VANITY, VANITY, ALL IS MERE VANITY.'



"I was bred up to my father's trade, and you may easily believe

so low a sphere could produce no adventures worth your notice.



However, I married a woman I liked, and who proved a very

tolerable wife. My days were passed in hard labor, but this



procured me health, and I enjoyed a homely supper at night with

my wife with more pleasure than I apprehend greater persons find



at their luxurious meals. My life had scarce any variety in it,

and at my death I advanced to Minos with great confidence of



entering the gate: but I was unhappily obliged to discover some

frauds I had been guilty of in the measure of my work when I



worked by the foot, as well as my laziness when I was employed by

the day. On which account, when I attempted to pass, the angry



judge laid hold on me by the shoulders, and turned me back so

violently, that, had I had a neck of flesh and bone, I believe he



would have broke it."

CHAPTER XIII



Julian passes into a fop.

"My scene of action was Rome. I was born into a noble family,



and heir to a considerable fortune. On which my parents,

thinking I should not want any talents, resolved very kindly and



wisely to throw none away upon me. The only instructors of my

youth were therefore one Saltator, who taught me several motions



for my legs; and one Ficus, whose business was to show me the

cleanest way (as he called it) of cutting off a man's head. When



I was well accomplished in these sciences, I thought nothing more

wanting, but what was to be furnished by the several mechanics in



Rome, who dealt in dressing and adorning the pope. Being

therefore well equipped with all which their art could produce, I



became at the age of twenty a complete finished beau. And now

during forty-five years I dressed, I sang and danced, and danced



and sang, I bowed and ogled, and ogled and bowed, till, in the

sixty-sixth year of my age, I got cold by overheating myself with



dancing, and died.

"Minos told me, as I was unworthy of Elysium, so I was too



insignificant to be damned, and therefore bade me walk back

again."






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