name of a shop, of a street, the address of a
restaurant, came to
him as a bitter
reminder of the world he had lost, a world that ate
and drank and flirted, gambled and made merry, a world that debated
and intrigued and wire-pulled, fought or compromised political
battles - and recked nothing of its outcasts wandering through
forest paths and steamy swamps or lying in the grip of fever.
Comus read and re-read those few lines of
advertisement, just as he
treasured a much-crumpled programme of a first-night
performance at
the Straw Exchange Theatre; they seemed to make a little more real
the past that was already so
shadowy and so utterly
remote. For a
moment he could almost
capture the
sensation of being once again in
those haunts that he loved; then he looked round and pushed the
book
wearily from him. The steaming heat, the forest, the rushing
river hemmed him in on all sides.
The two boys who had been splitting wood ceased from their labours
and straightened their backs; suddenly the smaller of the two gave
the other a resounding whack with a split lath that he still held
in his hand, and flew up the
hillside with a
scream of
laughter and
simulated
terror, the bigger lad following in hot
pursuit. Up and
down the steep bush-grown slope they raced and twisted and dodged,
coming sometimes to close quarters in a
hurricane of squeals and
smacks, rolling over and over like fighting kittens, and breaking
away again to start fresh
provocation and fresh
pursuit. Now and
again they would lie for a time panting in what seemed the last
stage of
exhaustion, and then they would be off in another wild
scamper, their dusky bodies flitting through the bushes,
disappearing and reappearing with equal suddenness. Presently two
girls of their own age, who had returned from the water-fetching,
sprang out on them from
ambush, and the four joined in one
joyousgambol that lit up the
hillside with
shrill echoes and glimpses of
flying limbs. Comus sat and watched, at first with an amused
interest, then with a returning flood of
depression and heart-ache.
Those wild young human kittens represented the joy of life, he was
the outsider, the
lonely alien, watching something in which he
could not join, a happiness in which he had no part or lot. He
would pass
presently out of the village and his bearers' feet would
leave their indentations in the dust; that would be his most
permanent
memorial in this little oasis of teeming life. And that
other life, in which he once moved with such
confident sense of his
own necessary
participation in it, how completely he had passed out
of it. Amid all its laughing throngs, its card parties and race-
meetings and country-house gatherings, he was just a mere name,
remembered or forgotten, Comus Bassington, the boy who went away.
He had loved himself very well and never troubled greatly whether
anyone else really loved him, and now he realised what he had made
of his life. And at the same time he knew that if his chance were
to come again he would throw it away just as surely, just as
perversely. Fate played with him with loaded dice; he would lose
always.
One person in the whole world had cared for him, for longer than he
could remember, cared for him perhaps more than he knew, cared for
him perhaps now. But a wall of ice had mounted up between him and
her, and across it there blew that cold-breath that chills or kills
affection.
The words of a
well-known old song, the
wistful cry of a lost
cause, rang with
insistentmockery through his brain:
"Better loved you canna be,
Will ye ne'er come back again?"
If it was love that was to bring him back he must be an exile for
ever. His
epitaph in the mouths of those that remembered him would
be, Comus Bassington, the boy who never came back.
And in his unutterable
loneliness he bowed his head on his arms,
that he might not see the
joyous scrambling
frolic on yonder
hillside.
CHAPTER XVII
THE bleak rawness of a grey December day held sway over St. James's
Park, that
sanctuary of lawn and tree and pool, into which the
bourgeois innovator has rushed ambitiously time and again, to find