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round the earth, there will not be a single cleric left in Rome who knows

Latin. When they sing their litanies in the churches people will invoke



Orichel, Roguel, and Totichel, and, as you know, these are devils and not

angels. Many robbers desiring to make their communions, but fearing that



before obtaining pardon they would be forced to give up the things they had

robbed to the Church, will make their confessions to travelling priests,who,



ignorant of both Italian and Latin, and only speaking the patois of their

village, will go through cities and towns selling the remission of sins for a



base price, often for a bottle of wine. Probably we shall not be

inconvenienced by those absolutions as they will want contrition to make them



valid, but it may be that their baptisms will cause us some embarrassment. The

priests will become so ignorant that they will baptize children in nomine



patria et filia et spirita sancta, as Louis de Potter will take a pleasure in

relating in the third volume of his 'Philosophical, Political, and Critical



History of Christianity.' It will be an arduous question to decide on the

validity of such baptisms; for even if in my sacred writings I tolerate a



Greek less elegant than Plato's and a scarcely Ciceronian Latin, I cannot

possibly admit a piece of pure patois as a liturgical formula. And one



shudders when one thinks that millions of new-born babes will be baptized by

this method. But let us return to our penguins."



"Your divine words, Lord, have already led us back to them," said St. Gal. "In

the signs of religion and the laws of salvation form necessarilyprevails over



essence, and the validity of a sacrament solely depends upon its form. The

whole question is whether the penguins have been baptized with the proper



forms. Now there is no doubt about the answer."

The fathers and the doctors agreed, and their perplexity became only the more



cruel.

"The Christian state," said St. Cornelius, "is not without serious



inconveniences for a penguin. In it the birds are obliged to work out their

own salvation. How can they succeed? The habits of birds are, in many points,



contrary to the commandments of the Church, and the penguins have no reason

for changing theirs. I mean that they are not intelligent enough to give up



their present habits and assume better."

"They cannot," said the Lord; "my decrees prevent them."



"Nevertheless," resumed St. Cornelius, "in virtue of their baptism their

actions no longer remain indifferent. Henceforth they will be good or bad,



susceptible of merit or of demerit."

"That is precisely the question we have to deal with," said the Lord.



"I see only one solution," said St. Augustine. "The penguins will go to hell."

"But they have no soul," observed St. Irenaeus.



"It is a pity"" sighed Tertullian.

"It is indeed," resumed St. Gal. "And I admit that my disciple, the holy Mael,



has, in his blind zeal, created great theological difficulties for the Holy

Spirit and introduced disorder into the economy of mysteries."



"He is an old blunderer," cried St. Adjutor of Alsace, shrugging his

shoulders.



But the Lord cast a reproachful look on Adjutor.

"Allow me to speak," said he; "the holy Mael has not intuitive knowledge like



you, my blessed ones. He does not see me. He is an old man burdened by

infirmities; he is half deaf and three parts blind. You are too severe on him.



However, I recognise that the situation is an embarrassing one."

"Luckily it is but a passing disorder," said St. Irenaeus. "The penguins are



baptized, but their eggs are not, and the evil will stop with the present

generation."



"Do not speak thus, Irenaeus my son," said the Lord. "There are exceptions to

the laws that men of science lay down on the earth because they are imperfect



and have not an exact application to nature. But the laws that I establish are

perfect and suffer no exception. We must decide the fate of the baptized



penguins without violating any divine law, and in a manner conformable to the

decalogue as well as to the commandments of my Church."



"Lord," said St. Gregory Nazianzen, "give them an immortal soul."

"Alas! Lord, what would they do with it," sighed Lactantius. "They have not



tuneful voices to sing your praises. They would not be able to celebrate your

mysteries."



"Without doubt," said St. Augustine, "they would not observe the divine law."

"They could not," said the Lord.






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