round the earth, there will not be a single cleric left in Rome who knows
Latin. When they sing their litanies in the churches people will invoke
Orichel, Roguel, and Totichel, and, as you know, these are devils and not
angels. Many robbers desiring to make their communions, but fearing that
before obtaining
pardon they would be forced to give up the things they had
robbed to the Church, will make their confessions to travelling
priests,who,
ignorant of both Italian and Latin, and only
speaking the patois of their
village, will go through cities and towns selling the remission of sins for a
base price, often for a bottle of wine. Probably we shall not be
inconvenienced by those absolutions as they will want contrition to make them
valid, but it may be that their
baptisms will cause us some
embarrassment. The
priests will become so
ignorant that they will
baptize children in nomine
patria et filia et spirita sancta, as Louis de Potter will take a pleasure in
relating in the third
volume of his 'Philosophical, Political, and Critical
History of Christianity.' It will be an
arduous question to decide on the
validity of such
baptisms; for even if in my
sacred writings I
tolerate a
Greek less
elegant than Plato's and a scarcely Ciceronian Latin, I cannot
possibly admit a piece of pure patois as a liturgical
formula. And one
shudders when one thinks that millions of new-born babes will be
baptized by
this method. But let us return to our penguins."
"Your
divine words, Lord, have already led us back to them," said St. Gal. "In
the signs of religion and the laws of
salvation form
necessarilyprevails over
essence, and the validity of a sacrament
solely depends upon its form. The
whole question is whether the penguins have been
baptized with the proper
forms. Now there is no doubt about the answer."
The fathers and the doctors agreed, and their
perplexity became only the more
cruel.
"The Christian state," said St. Cornelius, "is not without serious
inconveniences for a penguin. In it the birds are obliged to work out their
own
salvation. How can they succeed? The habits of birds are, in many points,
contrary to the commandments of the Church, and the penguins have no reason
for changing
theirs. I mean that they are not
intelligent enough to give up
their present habits and assume better."
"They cannot," said the Lord; "my decrees prevent them."
"Nevertheless," resumed St. Cornelius, "in
virtue of their
baptism their
actions no longer remain
indifferent. Henceforth they will be good or bad,
susceptible of merit or of demerit."
"That is
precisely the question we have to deal with," said the Lord.
"I see only one solution," said St. Augustine. "The penguins will go to hell."
"But they have no soul," observed St. Irenaeus.
"It is a pity"" sighed Tertullian.
"It is indeed," resumed St. Gal. "And I admit that my
disciple, the holy Mael,
has, in his blind zeal, created great
theological difficulties for the Holy
Spirit and introduced
disorder into the
economy of mysteries."
"He is an old blunderer," cried St. Adjutor of Alsace, shrugging his
shoulders.
But the Lord cast a reproachful look on Adjutor.
"Allow me to speak," said he; "the holy Mael has not intuitive knowledge like
you, my
blessed ones. He does not see me. He is an old man burdened by
infirmities; he is half deaf and three parts blind. You are too
severe on him.
However, I recognise that the situation is an embarrassing one."
"Luckily it is but a passing
disorder," said St. Irenaeus. "The penguins are
baptized, but their eggs are not, and the evil will stop with the present
generation."
"Do not speak thus, Irenaeus my son," said the Lord. "There are
exceptions to
the laws that men of science lay down on the earth because they are imperfect
and have not an exact
application to nature. But the laws that I establish are
perfect and suffer no
exception. We must decide the fate of the
baptized
penguins without violating any
divine law, and in a manner conformable to the
decalogue as well as to the commandments of my Church."
"Lord," said St. Gregory Nazianzen, "give them an
immortal soul."
"Alas! Lord, what would they do with it," sighed Lactantius. "They have not
tuneful voices to sing your praises. They would not be able to
celebrate your
mysteries."
"Without doubt," said St. Augustine, "they would not observe the
divine law."
"They could not," said the Lord.