neither, but loll and lean upon one elbow, with one foot a little
dangling off, jogging in a
thoughtful way. Yes; and then as soon as
he appears, start, ay, start and be surprised, and rise to meet him
in a pretty
disorder. Yes; oh, nothing is more
alluring than a
levee from a couch in some
confusion. It shows the foot to
advantage, and furnishes with blushes and re-composing airs beyond
comparison. Hark! There's a coach.
FOIB. 'Tis he, madam.
LADY. Oh dear, has my
nephew made his addresses to Millamant? I
ordered him.
FOIB. Sir Wilfull is set in to drinking, madam, in the parlour.
LADY. Ods my life, I'll send him to her. Call her down, Foible;
bring her
hither. I'll send him as I go. When they are together,
then come to me, Foible, that I may not be too long alone with Sir
Rowland.
SCENE II.
MRS. MILLAMANT, MRS. FAINALL, FOIBLE.
FOIB. Madam, I stayed here to tell your ladyship that Mr. Mirabell
has waited this half hour for an opportunity to talk with you;
though my lady's orders were to leave you and Sir Wilfull together.
Shall I tell Mr. Mirabell that you are at leisure?
MILLA. No. What would the dear man have? I am
thoughtful and
would amuse myself; bid him come another time.
There never yet was woman made,
Nor shall, but to be cursed. [Repeating and walking about.]
That's hard!
MRS. FAIN. You are very fond of Sir John Suckling to-day,
Millamant, and the poets.
MILLA. He? Ay, and
filthy verses. So I am.
FOIB. Sir Wilfull is coming, madam. Shall I send Mr. Mirabell
away?
MILLA. Ay, if you please, Foible, send him away, or send him
hither, just as you will, dear Foible. I think I'll see him. Shall
I? Ay, let the
wretch come.
Thyrsis, a youth of the inspired train. [Repeating]
Dear Fainall,
entertain Sir Wilfull:- thou hast
philosophy to
undergo a fool; thou art married and hast
patience. I would confer
with my own thoughts.
MRS. FAIN. I am obliged to you that you would make me your proxy in
this affair, but I have business of my own.
SCENE III.
[To them] SIR WILFULL.
MRS. FAIN. O Sir Wilfull, you are come at the
critical instant.
There's your
mistress up to the ears in love and
contemplation;
pursue your point, now or never.
SIR WIL. Yes, my aunt will have it so. I would
gladly have been
encouraged with a bottle or two, because I'm somewhat wary at first,
before I am acquainted. [This while MILLAMANT walks about repeating
to herself.] But I hope, after a time, I shall break my mind--that
is, upon further
acquaintance.--So for the present, cousin, I'll
take my leave. If so be you'll be so kind to make my excuse, I'll
return to my company -
MRS. FAIN. Oh, fie, Sir Wilfull! What, you must not be daunted.
SIR WIL. Daunted? No, that's not it; it is not so much for that--
for if so be that I set on't I'll do't. But only for the present,
'tis sufficient till further
acquaintance, that's all--your servant.
MRS. FAIN. Nay, I'll swear you shall never lose so favourable an
opportunity, if I can help it. I'll leave you together and lock the
door.
SCENE IV.
SIR WILFULL, MILLAMANT.
SIR WIL. Nay, nay, cousin. I have forgot my gloves. What d'ye do?
'Sheart, a has locked the door indeed, I think.--Nay, cousin
Fainall, open the door. Pshaw, what a vixen trick is this? Nay,
now a has seen me too.--Cousin, I made bold to pass through as it
were--I think this door's enchanted.
MILLA. [repeating]:-
I prithee spare me, gentle boy,
Press me no more for that slight toy.
SIR WIL. Anan? Cousin, your servant.
MILLA. That foolish
trifle of a heart -
Sir Wilfull!
SIR WIL. Yes--your servant. No offence, I hope, cousin?
MILLA. [repeating]:-
I swear it will not do its part,
Though thou dost thine, employ'st thy power and art.
Natural, easy Suckling!
SIR WIL. Anan? Suckling? No such suckling neither, cousin, nor
stripling: I thank heaven I'm no minor.
MILLA. Ah,
rustic, ruder than Gothic.
SIR WIL. Well, well, I shall understand your lingo one of these
days, cousin; in the
meanwhile I must answer in plain English.
MILLA. Have you any business with me, Sir Wilfull?
SIR WIL. Not at present, cousin. Yes, I made bold to see, to come
and know if that how you were disposed to fetch a walk this evening;
if so be that I might not be troublesome, I would have sought a walk
with you.
MILLA. A walk? What then?
SIR WIL. Nay, nothing. Only for the walk's sake, that's all.
MILLA. I nauseate walking: 'tis a country
diversion; I
loathe the
country and everything that relates to it.
SIR WIL. Indeed! Hah! Look ye, look ye, you do? Nay, 'tis like
you may. Here are choice of pastimes here in town, as plays and the
like, that must be confessed indeed -
MILLA. Ah, L'ETOURDI! I hate the town too.
SIR WIL. Dear heart, that's much. Hah! that you should hate 'em
both! Hah! 'tis like you may! There are some can't
relish the
town, and others can't away with the country, 'tis like you may be
one of those, cousin.
MILLA. Ha, ha, ha! Yes, 'tis like I may. You have nothing further
to say to me?
SIR WIL. Not at present, cousin. 'Tis like when I have an
opportunity to be more private--I may break my mind in some
measure-
-I
conjecture you
partly guess. However, that's as time shall try.
But spare to speak and spare to speed, as they say.
MILLA. If it is of no great importance, Sir Wilfull, you will
oblige me to leave me: I have just now a little business.
SIR WIL. Enough, enough, cousin. Yes, yes, all a case. When
you're disposed, when you're disposed. Now's as well as another
time; and another time as well as now. All's one for that. Yes,
yes; if your concerns call you, there's no haste: it will keep cold
as they say. Cousin, your servant. I think this door's locked.
MILLA. You may go this way, sir.
SIR WIL. Your servant; then with your leave I'll return to my
company.
MILLA. Ay, ay; ha, ha, ha!
Like Phoebus sung the no less am'rous boy.
SCENE V.
MRS. MILLAMANT, MIRABELL.
MIRA. Like Daphne she, as lovely and as coy.
Do you lock yourself up from me, to make my search more curious? Or
is this pretty artifice contrived, to
signify that here the chase
must end, and my
pursuit be crowned, for you can fly no further?
MILLA. Vanity! No--I'll fly and be followed to the last moment;
though I am upon the very verge of matrimony, I expect you should
solicit me as much as if I were wavering at the grate of a
monastery, with one foot over the
threshold. I'll be solicited to
the very last; nay, and afterwards.
MIRA. What, after the last?
MILLA. Oh, I should think I was poor and had nothing to
bestow if I
were reduced to an inglorious ease, and freed from the agreeable
fatigues of solicitation.
MIRA. But do not you know that when favours are conferred upon
instant and
tedious solicitation, that they
diminish in their value,
and that both the giver loses the grace, and the
receiver lessens
his pleasure?
MILLA. It may be in things of common
application, but never, sure,
in love. Oh, I hate a lover that can dare to think he draws a
moment's air independent on the
bounty of his
mistress. There is
not so impudent a thing in nature as the saucy look of an assured
man
confident of success: the pedantic
arrogance of a very husband
has not so pragmatical an air. Ah, I'll never marry, unless I am
first made sure of my will and pleasure.
MIRA. Would you have 'em both before marriage? Or will you be
contented with the first now, and stay for the other till after
grace?
MILLA. Ah, don't be impertinent. My dear liberty, shall I leave
thee? My
faithfulsolitude, my
darlingcontemplation, must I bid
you then adieu? Ay-h, adieu. My morning thoughts, agreeable
wakings, indolent slumbers, all ye DOUCEURS, ye SOMMEILS DU MATIN,
adieu. I can't do't, 'tis more than impossible--
positively,
Mirabell, I'll lie a-bed in a morning as long as I please.
MI RA. Then I'll get up in a morning as early as I please.
MILLA. Ah! Idle creature, get up when you will. And d'ye hear, I
won't be called names after I'm married;
positively I won't be
called names.
MIRA. Names?
MILLA. Ay, as wife,
spouse, my dear, joy, jewel, love, sweet-heart,
and the rest of that nauseous cant, in which men and their wives are
so fulsomely familiar--I shall never bear that. Good Mirabell,
don't let us be familiar or fond, nor kiss before folks, like my
Lady Fadler and Sir Francis; nor go to Hyde Park together the first
Sunday in a new
chariot, to
provoke eyes and whispers, and then
never be seen there together again, as if we were proud of one
another the first week, and
ashamed of one another ever after. Let
us never visit together, nor go to a play together, but let us be
very strange and well-bred. Let us be as strange as if we had been
married a great while, and as well-bred as if we were not married at
all.
MIRA. Have you any more conditions to offer? Hitherto your demands
are pretty reasonable.
MILLA. Trifles; as liberty to pay and receive visits to and from
whom I please; to write and receive letters, without interrogatories
or wry faces on your part; to wear what I please, and choose
conversation with regard only to my own taste; to have no obligation
upon me to
converse with wits that I don't like, because they are
your
acquaintance, or to be
intimate with fools, because they may be
your relations. Come to dinner when I please, dine in my dressing-
room when I'm out of
humour, without giving a reason. To have my
closet inviolate; to be sole
empress of my tea-table, which you must
never
presume to approach without first asking leave. And lastly,
wherever I am, you shall always knock at the door before you come
in. These articles subscribed, if I continue to
endure you a little
longer, I may by degrees
dwindle into a wife.
MIRA. Your bill of fare is something
advanced in this latter
account. Well, have I liberty to offer conditions:- that when you
are
dwindled into a wife, I may not be beyond
measure enlarged into
a husband?
MILLA. You have free leave: propose your
utmost, speak and spare
not.
MIRA. I thank you. IMPRIMIS, then, I
covenant that your
acquaintance be general; that you admit no sworn confidant or
intimate of your own sex; no she friend to
screen her affairs under
your
countenance, and tempt you to make trial of a
mutual secrecy.
No decoy-duck to wheedle you a FOP-SCRAMBLING to the play in a mask,
then bring you home in a pretended
fright, when you think you shall
be found out, and rail at me for
missing the play, and disappointing
the
frolic which you had to pick me up and prove my constancy.
MILLA. Detestable IMPRIMIS! I go to the play in a mask!
MIRA. ITEM, I article, that you continue to like your own face as
long as I shall, and while it passes current with me, that you