"And YOU will be the first to come round and bend your head in
submission. There are many matters you may understand, but
knowledge of the fine art of
acting is to you an UNKNOWN QUANTITY.
"Pray let this
discussion cease with this letter. VALE!
Yours truly,
"Burwin-Fosselton."
I was
disgusted. When Lupin came in, I handed him this impertinent
letter, and said: "My boy, in that letter you can see the true
character of your friend."
Lupin, to my surprise, said: "Oh yes. He showed me the letter
before he sent it. I think he is right, and you ought to
apologise."
CHAPTER XII.
A serious
discussionconcerning the use and value of my diary.
Lupin's opinion of 'Xmas. Lupin's
unfortunateengagement is on
again.
December 17. - As I open my scribbling diary I find the words
"Oxford Michaelmas Term ends." Why this should induce me to
indulge in retrospective I don't know, but it does. The last few
weeks of my diary are of
minimum interest. The breaking off of the
engagement between Lupin and Daisy Mutlar has made him a different
being, and Carrie a rather depressing
companion. She was a little
dull last Saturday, and I thought to cheer her up by
reading some
extracts from my diary; but she walked out of the room in the
middle of the
reading, without a word. On her return, I said:
"Did my diary bore you, darling?"
She replied, to my surprise: "I really wasn't listening, dear. I
was obliged to leave to give instructions to the laundress. In
consequence of some stuff she puts in the water, two more of
Lupin's coloured shirts have run and he says he won't wear them."
I said: "Everything is Lupin. It's all Lupin, Lupin, Lupin.
There was not a single
button on my shirt
yesterday, but I made no
complaint."
Carrie simply replied: "You should do as all other men do, and
wear studs. In fact, I never saw anyone but you wear
buttons on
the shirt-fronts."
I said: "I certainly wore none
yesterday, for there were none on."
Another thought that strikes me is that Gowing seldom calls in the
evening, and Cummings never does. I fear they don't get on well
with Lupin.
December 18. - Yesterday I was in a retrospective vein - to-day it
is PROSPECTIVE. I see nothing but clouds, clouds, clouds. Lupin
is
perfectlyintolerable over the Daisy Mutlar business. He won't
say what is the cause of the
breach. He is
evidently condemning
her conduct, and yet, if we
venture to agree with him, says he
won't hear a word against her. So what is one to do? Another
thing which is disappointing to me is, that Carrie and Lupin take
no interest
whatever in my diary.
I broached the subject at the breakfast-table to-day. I said: "I
was in hopes that, if anything ever happened to me, the diary would
be an endless source of pleasure to you both; to say nothing of the
chance of the remuneration which may accrue from its being
published."
Both Carrie and Lupin burst out laughing. Carrie was sorry for
this, I could see, for she said: "I did not mean to be rude, dear
Charlie; but truly I do not think your diary would sufficiently
interest the public to be taken up by a publisher."
I replied: "I am sure it would prove quite as interesting as some
of the
ridiculous reminiscences that have been published lately.
Besides, it's the diary that makes the man. Where would Evelyn and
Pepys have been if it had not been for their diaries?"
Carrie said I was quite a
philosopher; but Lupin, in a jeering
tone, said: "If it had been written on larger paper, Guv., we
might get a fair price from a butterman for it."
As I am in the
prospective vein, I vow the end of this year will
see the end of my diary.
December 19. - The
annualinvitation came to spend Christmas with
Carrie's mother - the usual family
festivegathering to which we
always look forward. Lupin declined to go. I was astounded, and
expressed my surprise and
disgust. Lupin then obliged us with the
following Radical speech: "I hate a family
gathering at Christmas.
What does it mean? Why someone says: 'Ah! we miss poor Uncle
James, who was here last year,' and we all begin to snivel.
Someone else says: 'It's two years since poor Aunt Liz used to sit
in that corner.' Then we all begin to snivel again. Then another
gloomy relation says 'Ah! I wonder whose turn it will be next?'
Then we all snivel again, and proceed to eat and drink too much;
and they don't discover until I get up that we have been seated
thirteen at dinner."
December 20. - Went to Smirksons', the drapers, in the Strand, who
this year have turned out everything in the shop and
devoted the
whole place to the sale of Christmas cards. Shop
crowded with
people, who seemed to take up the cards rather
roughly, and, after
a
hurried glance at them, throw them down again. I remarked to one
of the young persons serving, that
carelessness appeared to be a
disease with some purchasers. The
observation was scarcely out of
my mouth, when my thick coat-sleeve caught against a large pile of
expensive cards in boxes one on top of the other, and threw them
down. The
manager came forward, looking very much annoyed, and
picking up several cards from the ground, said to one of the
assistants, with a palpable side-glance at me: "Put these amongst
the sixpenny goods; they can't be sold for a
shilling now." The
result was, I felt it my duty to buy some of these damaged cards.
I had to buy more and pay more than intended. Unfortunately I did
not examine them all, and when I got home I discovered a vulgar
card with a picture of a fat nurse with two babies, one black and
the other white, and the words: "We wish Pa a Merry Christmas." I
tore up the card and threw it away. Carrie said the great
disadvantage of going out in Society and increasing the number of
our friends was, that we should have to send out nearly two dozen
cards this year.
December 21. - To save the postman a
miserable Christmas, we follow
the example of all unselfish people, and send out our cards early.
Most of the cards had finger-marks, which I did not notice at
night. I shall buy all future cards in the
daytime. Lupin (who,
ever since he has had the appointment with a stock and share
broker, does not seem over-scrupulous in his dealings) told me
never to rub out the pencilled price on the backs of the cards. I
asked him why. Lupin said: "Suppose your card is marked 9d.
Well, all you have to do is to pencil a 3 - and a long down-stroke
after it - in FRONT of the ninepence, and people will think you
have given five times the price for it."
In the evening Lupin was very low-spirited, and I reminded him that
behind the clouds the sun was shining. He said: "Ugh! it never
shines on me." I said: "Stop, Lupin, my boy; you are worried
about Daisy Mutlar. Don't think of her any more. You ought to
congratulate yourself on having got off a very bad
bargain. Her
notions are far too grand for our simple tastes." He jumped up and
said: "I won't allow one word to be uttered against her. She's
worth the whole bunch of your friends put together, that inflated,
sloping-head of a Perkupp included." I left the room with silent
dignity, but caught my foot in the mat.
December 23. - I exchanged no words with Lupin in the morning; but
as he seemed to be in exuberant spirits in the evening, I
ventured
to ask him where he intended to spend his Christmas. He replied:
"Oh, most likely at the Mutlars'."
In wonderment, I said: "What! after your
engagement has been
broken off?"
Lupin said: "Who said it is off?"
I said: "You have given us both to understand - "
He interrupted me by
saying: "Well, never mind what I said. IT IS
ON AGAIN - THERE!"
CHAPTER XIII.
I receive an
insulting Christmas card. We spend a pleasant
Christmas at Carrie's mother's. A Mr. Moss is rather too free. A
boisterous evening, during which I am struck in the dark. I
receive an
extraordinary letter from Mr. Mutlar,
senior, respecting
Lupin. We miss drinking out the Old Year.
December 24. - I am a poor man, but I would
gladly give ten
shillings to find out who sent me the
insulting Christmas card I
received this morning. I never
insult people; why should they
insult me? The worst part of the transaction is, that I find
myself suspecting all my friends. The
writing" target="_blank" title="n.笔迹;书法">
handwriting on the envelope
is
evidently disguised, being written sloping the wrong way. I
cannot think either Gowing or Cummings would do such a mean thing.
Lupin denied all knowledge of it, and I believe him; although I
disapprove of his laughing and sympathising with the
offender. Mr.
Franching would be above such an act; and I don't think any of the
Mutlars would
descend to such a course. I wonder if Pitt, that
impudent clerk at the office, did it? Or Mrs. Birrell, the
charwoman, or Burwin-Fosselton? The
writing is too good for the
former.
Christmas Day. - We caught the 10.20 train at Paddington, and spent
a pleasant day at Carrie's mother's. The country was quite nice
and pleasant, although the roads were sloppy. We dined in the
middle of the day, just ten of us, and talked over old times. If
everybody had a nice, UNinterfering mother-in-law, such as I have,
what a deal of happiness there would be in the world. Being all in
good spirits, I proposed her health, and I made, I think, a very
good speech.
I concluded, rather neatly, by
saying: "On an occasion like this -
whether relatives, friends, or acquaintances, - we are all inspired
with good feelings towards each other. We are of one mind, and
think only of love and friendship. Those who have quarrelled with
absent friends should kiss and make it up. Those who happily have
not fallen out, can kiss all the same."
I saw the tears in the eyes of both Carrie and her mother, and must
say I felt very flattered by the
compliment. That dear old
Reverend John Panzy Smith, who married us, made a most
cheerful and
amusing speech, and said he should act on my
suggestion respecting
the kissing. He then walked round the table and kissed all the
ladies, including Carrie. Of course one did not object to this;
but I was more than staggered when a young fellow named Moss, who
was a stranger to me, and who had scarcely
spoken a word through
dinner, jumped up suddenly with a sprig of misletoe, and exclaimed:
"Hulloh! I don't see why I shouldn't be on in this scene." Before
one could realise what he was about to do, he kissed Carrie and the
rest of the ladies.
Fortunately the matter was treated as a joke, and we all laughed;
but it was a dangerous experiment, and I felt very
uneasy for a
moment as to the result. I
subsequently referred to the matter to
Carrie, but she said: "Oh, he's not much more than a boy." I said
that he had a very large moustache for a boy. Carrie replied: "I
didn't say he was not a nice boy."
December 26. - I did not sleep very well last night; I never do in
a strange bed. I feel a little indigestion, which one must expect
at this time of the year. Carrie and I returned to Town in the
evening. Lupin came in late. He said he enjoyed his Christmas,
and added: "I feel as fit as a Lowther Arcade
fiddle, and only
require a little more 'oof' to feel as fit as a 500 pounds
Stradivarius." I have long since given up
trying to understand
Lupin's slang, or asking him to explain it.
December 27. - I told Lupin I was expecting Gowing and Cummings to
drop in to-morrow evening for a quiet game. I was in hope the boy
would
volunteer to stay in, and help to amuse them. Instead of
which, he said: "Oh, you had better put them off, as I have asked
Daisy and Frank Mutlar to come." I said I could not think of doing
such a thing. Lupin said: "Then I will send a wire, and put off
Daisy." I suggested that a post-card or letter would reach her
quite soon enough, and would not be so extravagant.
Carrie, who had listened to the above conversation with
apparent