Some people take time off work to be with their children. Others take a break to write a book or care for an ailing loved one or to
volunteer in Africa. But it's the rare person who steps off the treadmill to spend quality time with a
spouse.
有些人暂时辞去工作为的是能有时间陪陪自己的孩子。些人则是为了写书或是照顾生病的爱人,或是去非洲做志愿者。但很少有人辞去一份单调的工作仅仅是为了和爱人共度珍贵时光。
That's what Ifeyinwa Offor Walker recently did, and she's not getting a lot of pats on the back. In an email to The Juggle, Walker writes:
然而沃克尔(Ifeyinwa Offor Walker)就是这么做的,她并没有从周遭得到多少鼓励和赞扬。在写给《工作•家》(The Juggle)的电子邮件中,沃克尔这样写道:
After two grueling years as a successful VP at an education non-profit, I
decided to take some time off. Not because I was having a baby or had small children at home that I was too exhausted to engage with. Not because my parents were sick. Not because I was diagnosed with a
terminalillness. Not because I saw
retirement looking me in the eye and wanted to make sure I really took time off to enjoy life.
我在一家非盈利性教育机构担任副总裁,事业成功。两年的艰辛工作之后,我决定休息一段时间。所以做出这个决定,并不是因为我怀孕了,或是工作太累无法照顾家中小孩。也不是因为我的父母生病了,我也没有被诊断出患有绝症。也不是因为退休近在眼前,我真的想抽出时间享受生活。
I took time off because as a recently-married, three-degree-holding, child-free, 29-year-old woman in New York, my priority is growing a solid
foundation for my marriage/
relationship with my husband.
我决定休息一段时间是因为作为一个新婚不久、拥有三个学位但没有小孩的29岁纽约职业女性,我觉得自己眼下的首要任务是和丈夫一起构筑婚姻的坚实基础。
But somehow, this just isn't valued. I receive questions all the time about my choices.
但不知为何我的选择不受重视,且一直有人质疑我的选择,在这些人看来我所以决定休息一段时间是因为:
You are
taking time off because:
a) 我的老公在著名的私募股权投资基金KKR工作;
a) your husband works for KKR
b) 我刚生完小孩,或是家中孩子还小;
b) you just had a baby/have small children at home
c) 我的父母年事已高,需要照顾;
c) your parents are aging and need care
d) 我被诊断出患有绝症(这种情况我真的应该停止工作);
d) you've been diagnosed for a
terminalillness (in which case you should really just stop
working!)
其实我想说的是:各位,我想选E:以上答案都不对。我只不过想花点时间构筑一个家庭,延长一下蜜月期。
What I really want to say is, 'Hey folks, I'm
actually choosing e) none of the above. I'd like to spend time building a home and extending the
honeymoon period.'
在美国,相比钓到一个在KKR工作的老公或是得了严重疾病死掉的概率,婚姻失败的可能性更大一些。那么
为什么发展和维护你和另一半的关系就不能受到重视呢?
In a country where you're more likely to fail in your
relationship than you are to land a husband who works at KKR or end up with a serious disease, why isn't developing and growing your personal
relationships valued?
一种可能的解释是,人们不像从前那样重视婚姻的价值了(与此同时工作对很多人来说是神圣不可侵犯的),比如《时代》杂志(Time)和皮尤中心(Pew)联合进行的调查就发现近40%的美国人认为婚姻是过时的产物。既然美国有全球最高的再婚率,那么下面这个假设就可以当作一个基本事实了:如果你的婚姻失败了,你总能再找到另一段婚姻。
Here's one possible answer: Marriage itself isn't as valued as it once was. (Work,
meanwhile, is sacrosanct for many people.) A recent Time magazine/ Pew
survey finds that nearly 40% of Americans think marriage is obsolete, for
instance. And since we have one of the world's highest rates of remarriage, it might just be a given that if your marriage fails, you can always find another one.
话虽如此,但谁又不想像沃克尔那样,延长一下自己的"蜜月期"呢?时间虽然短暂,但又是如此的甜蜜。初恋有一种强迫性的特质,会诅咒此后年复一年单调的婚姻生活。科学家们甚至发现,沉浸在浪漫爱情阵痛中的恋人们,其大脑中血清素的水平和患有强迫性神经官能症病人差不多。血清素是一种会影响人类情绪的化学物质。
That said, who wouldn't want to follow Ms. Walker's lead and extend the '
honeymoon period'? It's so brief, yet so sweet. Early love has an obsessive quality to it that's anathema to the year-after-year-ness of married life. Scientists have even found that people in the throes of
romantic love, in
so-called limerent states, have levels of serotonin