What Mother Taught Me

My mother taught me to appreciate a job well done:



　　"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning!"



My mother taught me religion:



　　"You'd better pray that will come out of the carpet."



　　My mother taught me about time travel:



　　"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"



　　My mother taught me logic:



　　"Because I said so, that's why!"



　　My mother taught me foresight:



　　"Be sure you wear clean underwear in case you're in an accident."



　　My mother taught me about contortion:



　　"Will you look at the dirt on the back of your neck!"



　　My mother taught me about stamina:



　　"You'll sit there 'til all that spinach is finished."



　　My mother taught me about weather:



　　"It looks as if a tornado swept through your room."



　　My mother taught me how to solve physics problems:



　　"If I yelled because I saw a meteor coming toward you, would you listen then?"



　　My mother taught me about hypocrisy:



　　"If I've told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!!!"



　　My mother taught me about envy:



　　"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do!"



　　母亲教我的



　　我母亲教我如何珍惜他人辛苦劳动：



　　"如果你们要打架，到外边打去--我刚整理好房间！"



　　我母亲教我什么是宗教：



　　"你最好祈祷那个东西能从地毯下冒出来。"



　　我母亲教我什么是时间旅行：



　　"你要是不改，我把你一把推到下周三！"(意为：不让过周末。)



　　我母亲教我什么是逻辑：



　　"为什么？因为我就是这么说的！"



　　我母亲教我什么是远见：



　　"一定要穿干净内衣，以防万一你遇到事故。"



　　我母亲教我什么是柔体杂技：



　　"你能不能看看你脖子后面的泥！"



　　我母亲教我什么是耐力：



　　"坐在那儿，直到把所有的菠菜吃完。"



　　我母亲教我认识天气：



　　"好像有龙卷风席卷过你的房间。"



　　我母亲教我如何解决物理学问题：



　　"如果我高声叫喊，是因为我看见有一颗流星正朝你俯冲而来，那你会不会听我的话？"



　　我母亲教我什么是伪善：



　　"如果我曾告诉过你一次，我实际上已告诉过你百万次--不许夸张!!!"



　　我母亲教我什么是嫉妒：



　　"这世界上有数百万不幸的孩子，他们可没有你这么好的父母。"
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