章节正文
And he was a trifle past seventy-three:
Now what she could see
Is a puzzle to me,
In a prophet of seventy - seventy-three!
Of all their acquaintances bidden (or bad)
With their loud high jinks
And underbred winks,
None thought they'd a family have - but they had;
A dear little lad
Who drove 'em half mad,
For he turned out a horribly fast little cad.
For when he was born he astonished all by,
With their "Law, dear me!"
"Did ever you see?"
He'd a pipe in his mouth and a glass in his eye,
A hat all awry -
An octagon tie -
And a miniature - miniature glass in his eye.
He grumbled at wearing a frock and a cap,
With his "Oh, dear, oh!"
And his "Hang it! 'oo know!"
And he turned up his nose at his excellent pap -
"My friends, it's a tap
Dat is not worf a rap."
(Now this was remarkably excellent pap.)
He'd chuck his nurse under the chin, and he'd say,
With his "Fal, lal, lal" -
"'Oo doosed fine gal!"
This shocking precocity drove 'em away:
"A month from to-day
Is as long as I'll stay -
Then I'd wish, if you please, for to toddle away."
His father, a simple old gentleman, he
With nursery rhyme
And "Once on a time,"
Would tell him the story of "Little Bo-P,"
"So pretty was she,
So pretty and wee,
As pretty, as pretty, as pretty could be."
But the babe, with a dig that would startle an ox,
With his "C'ck! Oh, my! -
Go along wiz 'oo, fie!"
Would exclaim, "I'm afraid 'oo a socking ole fox."
Now a father it shocks,
And it whitens his locks,
When his little babe calls him a shocking old fox.
The name of his father he'd couple and pair
(With his ill-bred laugh,
And insolent chaff)
With those of the nursery heroines rare -
Virginia the Fair,
Or Good Goldenhair,
Till the nuisance was more than a prophet could bear.
"There's Jill and White Cat" (said the bold little brat,
With his loud, "Ha, ha!")
"'Oo sly ickle Pa!
Wiz 'oo Beauty, Bo-Peep, and 'oo Mrs. Jack Sprat!
I've noticed 'oo pat
MY pretty White Cat -
I sink dear mamma ought to know about dat!"
He early determined to marry and wive,
For better or worse
With his elderly nurse -
Which the poor little boy didn't live to contrive:
His hearth didn't thrive -
No longer alive,
He died an enfeebled old dotard at five!
MORAL.
Now, elderly men of the bachelor crew,
With wrinkled hose
And spectacled nose,
Don't marry at all - you may take it as true
If ever you do
The step you will rue,
For your babes will be elderly - elderly too.
Ballad: To Phoebe
"Gentle, modest little flower,
Sweet epitome of May,
Love me but for half an hour,
Love me, love me, little fay."
Sentences so fiercely flaming
In your tiny shell-like ear,
I should always be exclaiming
If I loved you, PHOEBE dear.
"Smiles that thrill from any distance
Shed upon me while I sing!
Please ecstaticize existence,
Love me, oh, thou fairy thing!"
Words like these, outpouring sadly
You'd perpetually hear,
If I loved you fondly, madly; -
But I do not, PHOEBE dear.
Ballad: Baines Carew, Gentleman
Of all the good attorneys who
Have placed their names upon the roll,
But few could equal BAINES CAREW
For tender-heartedness and soul.
Whene'er he heard a tale of woe
From client A or client B,
His grief would overcome him so
He'd scarce have strength to take his fee.
It laid him up for many days,
When duty led him to distrain,
And serving writs, although it pays,
Gave him excruciating pain.
He made out costs, distrained for rent,
Foreclosed and sued, with moistened eye -
No bill of costs could represent
The value of such sympathy.
No charges can approximate
The worth of sympathy with woe; -
Although I think I ought to state
He did his best to make them so.
Of all the many clients who
Had mustered round his legal flag,
No single client of the crew
Was half so dear as CAPTAIN BAGG.
Now, CAPTAIN BAGG had bowed him to
A heavy matrimonial yoke -
His wifey had of faults a few -
She never could resist a joke.
Her chaff at first he meekly bore,
Till unendurable it grew.
"To stop this persecution sore
I will consult my friend CAREW.
"And when CAREW'S advice I've got,
Divorce A MENSA I shall try."
(A legal separation - not
A VINCULO CONJUGII.)
"Oh, BAINES CAREW, my woe I've kept
A secret hitherto, you know;" -
(And BAINES CAREW, ESQUIRE, he wept
To hear that BAGG HAD any woe.)
"My case, indeed, is passing sad.
My wife - whom I considered true -
With brutal conduct drives me mad."
"I am appalled," said BAINES CAREW.
"What! sound the matrimonial knell
Of worthy people such as these!
Why was I an attorney? Well -
Go on to the SAEVITIA, please."
"Domestic bliss has proved my bane, -
A harder case you never heard,
My wife (in other matters sane)
Pretends that I'm a Dicky bird!
"She makes me sing, 'Too-whit, too-wee!'
And stand upon a rounded stick,
And always introduces me
To every one as 'Pretty Dick'!"
"Oh, dear," said weeping BAINES CAREW,
"This is the direst case I know."
"I'm grieved," said BAGG, "at paining you -
"To COBB and POLTHERTHWAITE I'll go -
"To COBB'S cold, calculating ear,
My gruesome sorrows I'll impart" -
"No; stop," said BAINES, "I'll dry my tear,
And steel my sympathetic heart."
"She makes me perch upon a tree,
Rewarding me with 'Sweety - nice!'
And threatens to exhibit me
With four or five performing mice."
"Restrain my tears I wish I could"
(Said BAINES), "I don't know what to do."
Said CAPTAIN BAGG, "You're very good."
"Oh, not at all," said BAINES CAREW.
"She makes me fire a gun," said BAGG;
"And, at a preconcerted word,
Climb up a ladder with a flag,
Like any street performing bird.
"She places sugar in my way -
In public places calls me 'Sweet!'
She gives me groundsel every day,
And hard canary-seed to eat."
"Oh, woe! oh, sad! oh, dire to tell!"
(Said BAINES). "Be good enough to stop."
And senseless on the floor he fell,
With unpremeditated flop!
Said CAPTAIN BAGG, "Well, really I
Am grieved to think it pains you so.
I thank you for your sympathy;
But, hang it! - come - I say, you know!"
But BAINES lay flat upon the floor,
Convulsed with sympathetic sob; -
The Captain toddled off next door,
And gave the case to MR. COBB.
Ballad: Thomas Winterbottom Hance
In all the towns and cities fair
On Merry England's broad expanse,
No swordsman ever could compare
With THOMAS WINTERBOTTOM HANCE.
The dauntless lad could fairly hew
A silkenhandkerchief in twain,
Divide a leg of mutton too -
And this without unwholesome strain.
On whole half-sheep, with cunning trick,
His sabre sometimes he'd employ -
No bar of lead, however thick,
Had terrors for the stalwart boy.
At Dover daily he'd prepare
To hew and slash, behind, before -
Which aggravated MONSIEUR PIERRE,
Now what she could see
Is a puzzle to me,
In a prophet of seventy - seventy-three!
Of all their acquaintances bidden (or bad)
With their loud high jinks
And underbred winks,
None thought they'd a family have - but they had;
A dear little lad
Who drove 'em half mad,
For he turned out a horribly fast little cad.
For when he was born he astonished all by,
With their "Law, dear me!"
"Did ever you see?"
He'd a pipe in his mouth and a glass in his eye,
A hat all awry -
An octagon tie -
And a miniature - miniature glass in his eye.
He grumbled at wearing a frock and a cap,
With his "Oh, dear, oh!"
And his "Hang it! 'oo know!"
And he turned up his nose at his excellent pap -
"My friends, it's a tap
Dat is not worf a rap."
(Now this was remarkably excellent pap.)
He'd chuck his nurse under the chin, and he'd say,
With his "Fal, lal, lal" -
"'Oo doosed fine gal!"
This shocking precocity drove 'em away:
"A month from to-day
Is as long as I'll stay -
Then I'd wish, if you please, for to toddle away."
His father, a simple old gentleman, he
With nursery rhyme
And "Once on a time,"
Would tell him the story of "Little Bo-P,"
"So pretty was she,
So pretty and wee,
As pretty, as pretty, as pretty could be."
But the babe, with a dig that would startle an ox,
With his "C'ck! Oh, my! -
Go along wiz 'oo, fie!"
Would exclaim, "I'm afraid 'oo a socking ole fox."
Now a father it shocks,
And it whitens his locks,
When his little babe calls him a shocking old fox.
The name of his father he'd couple and pair
(With his ill-bred laugh,
And insolent chaff)
With those of the nursery heroines rare -
Virginia the Fair,
Or Good Goldenhair,
Till the nuisance was more than a prophet could bear.
"There's Jill and White Cat" (said the bold little brat,
With his loud, "Ha, ha!")
"'Oo sly ickle Pa!
Wiz 'oo Beauty, Bo-Peep, and 'oo Mrs. Jack Sprat!
I've noticed 'oo pat
MY pretty White Cat -
I sink dear mamma ought to know about dat!"
He early determined to marry and wive,
For better or worse
With his elderly nurse -
Which the poor little boy didn't live to contrive:
His hearth didn't thrive -
No longer alive,
He died an enfeebled old dotard at five!
MORAL.
Now, elderly men of the bachelor crew,
With wrinkled hose
And spectacled nose,
Don't marry at all - you may take it as true
If ever you do
The step you will rue,
For your babes will be elderly - elderly too.
Ballad: To Phoebe
"Gentle, modest little flower,
Sweet epitome of May,
Love me but for half an hour,
Love me, love me, little fay."
Sentences so fiercely flaming
In your tiny shell-like ear,
I should always be exclaiming
If I loved you, PHOEBE dear.
"Smiles that thrill from any distance
Shed upon me while I sing!
Please ecstaticize existence,
Love me, oh, thou fairy thing!"
Words like these, outpouring sadly
You'd perpetually hear,
If I loved you fondly, madly; -
But I do not, PHOEBE dear.
Ballad: Baines Carew, Gentleman
Of all the good attorneys who
Have placed their names upon the roll,
But few could equal BAINES CAREW
For tender-heartedness and soul.
Whene'er he heard a tale of woe
From client A or client B,
His grief would overcome him so
He'd scarce have strength to take his fee.
It laid him up for many days,
When duty led him to distrain,
And serving writs, although it pays,
Gave him excruciating pain.
He made out costs, distrained for rent,
Foreclosed and sued, with moistened eye -
No bill of costs could represent
The value of such sympathy.
No charges can approximate
The worth of sympathy with woe; -
Although I think I ought to state
He did his best to make them so.
Of all the many clients who
Had mustered round his legal flag,
No single client of the crew
Was half so dear as CAPTAIN BAGG.
Now, CAPTAIN BAGG had bowed him to
A heavy matrimonial yoke -
His wifey had of faults a few -
She never could resist a joke.
Her chaff at first he meekly bore,
Till unendurable it grew.
"To stop this persecution sore
I will consult my friend CAREW.
"And when CAREW'S advice I've got,
Divorce A MENSA I shall try."
(A legal separation - not
A VINCULO CONJUGII.)
"Oh, BAINES CAREW, my woe I've kept
A secret hitherto, you know;" -
(And BAINES CAREW, ESQUIRE, he wept
To hear that BAGG HAD any woe.)
"My case, indeed, is passing sad.
My wife - whom I considered true -
With brutal conduct drives me mad."
"I am appalled," said BAINES CAREW.
"What! sound the matrimonial knell
Of worthy people such as these!
Why was I an attorney? Well -
Go on to the SAEVITIA, please."
"Domestic bliss has proved my bane, -
A harder case you never heard,
My wife (in other matters sane)
Pretends that I'm a Dicky bird!
"She makes me sing, 'Too-whit, too-wee!'
And stand upon a rounded stick,
And always introduces me
To every one as 'Pretty Dick'!"
"Oh, dear," said weeping BAINES CAREW,
"This is the direst case I know."
"I'm grieved," said BAGG, "at paining you -
"To COBB and POLTHERTHWAITE I'll go -
"To COBB'S cold, calculating ear,
My gruesome sorrows I'll impart" -
"No; stop," said BAINES, "I'll dry my tear,
And steel my sympathetic heart."
"She makes me perch upon a tree,
Rewarding me with 'Sweety - nice!'
And threatens to exhibit me
With four or five performing mice."
"Restrain my tears I wish I could"
(Said BAINES), "I don't know what to do."
Said CAPTAIN BAGG, "You're very good."
"Oh, not at all," said BAINES CAREW.
"She makes me fire a gun," said BAGG;
"And, at a preconcerted word,
Climb up a ladder with a flag,
Like any street performing bird.
"She places sugar in my way -
In public places calls me 'Sweet!'
She gives me groundsel every day,
And hard canary-seed to eat."
"Oh, woe! oh, sad! oh, dire to tell!"
(Said BAINES). "Be good enough to stop."
And senseless on the floor he fell,
With unpremeditated flop!
Said CAPTAIN BAGG, "Well, really I
Am grieved to think it pains you so.
I thank you for your sympathy;
But, hang it! - come - I say, you know!"
But BAINES lay flat upon the floor,
Convulsed with sympathetic sob; -
The Captain toddled off next door,
And gave the case to MR. COBB.
Ballad: Thomas Winterbottom Hance
In all the towns and cities fair
On Merry England's broad expanse,
No swordsman ever could compare
With THOMAS WINTERBOTTOM HANCE.
The dauntless lad could fairly hew
A silkenhandkerchief in twain,
Divide a leg of mutton too -
And this without unwholesome strain.
On whole half-sheep, with cunning trick,
His sabre sometimes he'd employ -
No bar of lead, however thick,
Had terrors for the stalwart boy.
At Dover daily he'd prepare
To hew and slash, behind, before -
Which aggravated MONSIEUR PIERRE,
- trifle [´traifəl]
n.琐事，小事；少量 (初中英语单词) - puzzle [´pʌzl] n.迷(惑) v.(使)迷惑 (初中英语单词)
- prophet [´prɔfit] n.预言家；先知；提倡者 (初中英语单词)
- startle [´stɑ:tl] vt.使吃惊，使惊跳 (初中英语单词)
- spectacled [´spektəkəld] a.戴眼镜的 (初中英语单词)
- modest [´mɔdist] a.谦虚的；朴素的 (初中英语单词)
- fiercely [´fiəsli] ad.凶猛地，残忍地 (初中英语单词)
- thrill [θril] v.震惊；激动；刺激 (初中英语单词)
- overcome [,əuvə´kʌm] vt.战胜，克服 (初中英语单词)
- scarce [skeəs, skers] a.缺乏的；稀有的 (初中英语单词)
- sympathy [´simpəθi] n.同情，怜悯 (初中英语单词)
- resist [ri´zist] v.抵抗；对抗；抵制 (初中英语单词)
- consult [kən´sʌlt] v.商量；磋商；请教 (初中英语单词)
- worthy [´wə:ði] a.有价值的；值得的 (初中英语单词)
- attorney [ə´tə:ni] n.代理人；律师 (初中英语单词)
- sympathetic [,simpə´θetik] a.同情的，有同情心的 (初中英语单词)
- exhibit [ig´zibit] vt.展出 n.展览品 (初中英语单词)
- handkerchief [´hæŋkətʃif] n.手帕，手绢 (初中英语单词)
- cunning [´kʌniŋ] a.&n.狡猾(诡诈)的 (初中英语单词)
- monsieur [mə´sjə:] n.先生 (初中英语单词)
- miniature [´miniətʃə] n.缩样 a.雏型的 (高中英语单词)
- nursery [´nə:səri] n.托儿所；苗床；养鱼场 (高中英语单词)
- nuisance [´nju:səns] n.损害；讨厌的人(事) (高中英语单词)
- hearth [hɑ:θ] n.炉边；家庭(生活) (高中英语单词)
- thrive [θraiv] vi.兴旺；繁荣 (高中英语单词)
- bachelor [´bætʃələ] n.未婚男子；学士 (高中英语单词)
- phoebe [´fi:bi] n.月亮女神 (高中英语单词)
- client [´klaiənt] n.委托人；顾客 (高中英语单词)
- separation [,sepə´reiʃən] n.分离；分开；分居 (高中英语单词)
- hitherto [,hiðə´tu:] ad.至今，迄今 (高中英语单词)
- esquire [i´skwaiə] n.先生 (高中英语单词)
- ladder [´lædə] n.梯子；阶梯 (高中英语单词)
- silken [´silkən] a.丝制的；柔软光滑的 (高中英语单词)
- mutton [´mʌtn] n.羊肉 (高中英语单词)
- remarkably [ri´mɑ:kəbli] ad.非凡地；显著地 (英语四级单词)
- elderly [´eldəli] a. 较老的，年长的 (英语四级单词)
- fondly [´fɔndli] ad.喜爱地；愚蠢地 (英语四级单词)
- meekly [´mi:kli] ad.温顺地；卑恭屈节地 (英语四级单词)
- persecution [,pə:si´kju:ʃən] n.迫害；残害；困扰 (英语四级单词)
- brutal [´bru:tl] a.兽性的；残暴的 (英语四级单词)
- senseless [´sensləs] a.无知觉的；愚蠢的 (英语四级单词)
- horribly [´hɔrəbli] ad.恐怖地 (英语六级单词)
- shocking [´ʃɔkiŋ] a.令人震惊的；可怕的 (英语六级单词)
- insolent [´insələnt] a.傲慢的；无礼的 (英语六级单词)
- weeping [´wi:piŋ] a.&n.哭泣(的) (英语六级单词)
- dauntless [´dɔ:ntlis] a.无畏的；不屈不挠的 (英语六级单词)
文章标签:名著
章节正文
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